| (no subject) |
[Feb. 3rd, 2008|10:24 pm] |
hallo journall
jeez i have been awake for the past.... 36 hours? lol crazyy i got no sleep yesterday or ;last nyt or todayy, i must go to sleep soon so im not a zombie at work tomorow. yAY its my last week of work then in a couple weeks i start unii im kinda exciteddd and im especiali excited about the gym on campus =] even though im guna stay livin at homee i can still go gym after class and stuff woooo. And soccer starts again soon yayy i have missed soccer a lott since last season finished i love soccer but fuk i have gotten so unfitt its not funii i think its also to do with smoking i reali shud stop but uhh too hard lol... hmmm wat elseee... yes my eatin plan for the week is orange juice 4 breakfast, baby food for lunch, and a piece of fruit for dinner, plus of coursee sugarfree redbull yumm my favourite and very low cals =]
ahh i have a good feelin baout this month i think im guna get bak on track =]
ok some wanker just pranked me i hate it wen fukn idiots call and dont say who they are loserss...
ive been a bit stressed lateli actuali ive benen getting memories returnin and replayin in mi hed things that i dnt particular want to remmeber or think about so i have been tryin my hardest to block them out but i dnt no how much longer i can... oh well im guna stop ramblin on now im goin 2 sleepp |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jan. 20th, 2008|10:44 pm] |
well j.m has become friends with b.k again which is loveli not only is it enuff she got woth m.t and a.b now j.m as well beautifulllll lovelii cant think of anythin betterrr
oh and j.m is also close with a.a noww so i guess he wont be comin 2 see me anymore now hes got two SKINNY girls he can see
fuk fuk fukity fukk
ohhh
and m.h wat a fuk head its been nerli a month and he hasnt called or messaged fuken jerkk so yepp he was just usin me for sex i guess three strikes and yur out ay wateva i was usin him too but i hope karma bitesh im in the ass
and i have it perectli planned wen i lose weight and he sees me
ahhh he will die
so life kinda spins out of control sometimes and theres nuffin i can doabout ittt.. expet control wat i eat=] and thats wat i do and its the onli thing keepin me sane except for wen i fail thenn i get depressed.. ahh watevaaa im resigning from work2moro that shud be fun there guna go skitz at mee seeina si sed i wnated to wokr there for ages but insted im quittin and goin to uni.. oh wellss... i need a ciggie now but i cant have one cani noo gota wait till 2moro morninn...
ok so i just wrote a whole bunch of random shit
main points:
1) guys suck
2) girls suck
3)IM FAT
4) i will be thin
5) im scared shitless of resignin
6) uni here i come
7) I WILL BE THIN!!! (knock on wood)
oh andd also
8) australia day long weekenddd clubbinnn friday saturday and sunday nyt wooooohhooo i shall be reunited with my candyy hahaa
not real candy of course
anyhoo im off to bed noww got work 2moro lovelii
ciao |
|
|
| a.k and schoolies |
[Nov. 24th, 2007|05:25 pm] |
omg omg omg
i saw a.k today
the love of mi life
ahhhh it wasso weirdd
i ran away at first then i messaged him n he called n i went bak n saw him
hes still gorgeouss... im not
ahhhh so weirdd like i am over him but seein him i dno my stomak felt like it was guna jump out or sumfin jeeezzz
i miss that guyy but mehh theres new guys in mi life now but uhhh man i wish i had never broken up with him 2 years ago... if i hadnt i probli wudnt have gotten so fat and i would have himm the one guy that actuali cared and loved me... oh well shiit hapens ayy
on a better note
SCHOOLIESS 2MOROOOO
WOOHHOOOOO CANT WAIITTTT
PARTYYYYY TIMEEE
ANDDD CLUBBIN 2NYYTTTT =]
i feel unsettledd my room is messy i cant handle it i need to tidy it up and pack my bags and fix my friends present and organise everythinn before i freak out
gota go pak now and get readii
wont be writing in a while as i will be on vacationn
ciaoo |
|
|
| red bracelet post |
[Nov. 24th, 2007|05:24 pm] |
helloo girls well i wont be on 4 about a week coz 2moro i am goin on this vacation its called skoolies its kind of a celebration for finishing skool and basically its partyin everyday n gettin smashed.. im excited in a way but scared coz of all the food and alocohol... 10000000 caloriess... and i dnt wana consume any but i wana get drunk.. dus anybody no the amount of calories in techiquilla shots? and in cosmopolitans? or any alcohol?
well ill miss thiss place for the week im gone and yeh hope everyone stays strong if theres a computer where im stayin ill try come on if not ill be bak in a week
stay strongg every1 much love
amber <3 |
|
|
| red bracelet post |
[Nov. 23rd, 2007|11:57 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  stressed | ] |
ahh 2moro starting off fresh no more fuk ups nuffinn this fat must goo all of itt i must become thin thin thinn
that is all there is to it
and fuk everything else in mi life its all fukt at least if im thin i will have accomplished my dream |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Nov. 23rd, 2007|11:38 pm] |
i hate him i reali do for fuking up my life
i always think why me? why did he have to chose me to fuk up?
it started 5 years ago and still it affects me everyday to this day in my relationships and my ability to trust people.
and hes still everywhere
theres always a constant reminder of him and what he did to me
i hate him so much
fuk that
fuk guyss fuk it all
the onli thing that matters to me is being thin
its the one thing i want in life ive always wanted it even before him i just wana be thin i want to be thin i want to be thin i NEED to be thin thats all that matters now
and now m.h is at the formal with another girl and imm sure theyll end up fuking
hmm another perfect thing to add to mi perfect life why the fuk did i think i was strong enuf to sleep with him n not develop feelings 4 him?
coz im a fuking idiot
thats it
i just need to be thin then everything will be ok |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Nov. 21st, 2007|04:47 pm] |
last night was my formal.. it was pretty good better then i expected... everyone found my date to be really hot which is good hehe but ahhhh im confused about mi feelings towards him i mean were just friends hes made it clear thats all he wants but still i think i do have feelings 4 him but i cant have him.. greatt another thing out of control in my life just wat i need...
fasting tomorrow and fridayy =] woohooo
oh yeahh yesterday i saw this girl from mi skool and a couple of years ago she had anorexia she was hospitalised and everything.. anyway since then she stayed quite thin at first and this year mostly slowly slowly gained some more weight... but yesterday when i saw her jeeezzz she had gained soooo much weight.. she wud be at least 180-190 now... its just so weird coz i remember wen she was anorexic she was so thinn and before she was anorexic she was pretty big so in a way she was my thinspo n like proof that it is possible for some1 fat to lose a lot of weight and become skinny.. and now shes gotten fat again its just weirdd
hope every1 is stayin strong |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Nov. 19th, 2007|09:58 am] |
|
tomorrow is my formal so today i am planning to fast today hopefuli i wont wreck it =] |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Nov. 18th, 2007|11:17 pm] |
all my life i have had no control over what hapens... for some reason nothing ever goes my way, and even if it does for a a while, something bad will alwayss follow soon after. i just dont understand why some ppl are so lucky n everyfin goes well for them and they get everything they want in life but for others (like myself) nothing ever seems to go right... im just sick of it i wish i could be more lucky in life and i think that if i become thin then maybe just maybe things will be alright.. but then things like this hapen.. this guy im mates with but ive slept with, i dont reali like him i dnt think but i used 2, anyway he had told me about this gurl he was seeing n he used 2 like, and the other nyt i saw her in the city and omg.. she was fatter then me... but still he had feelings 4 her but he has never had feelings 4 me.. it just makes me confused because im actuali thinner than her but he still liked her and not me? so then wen little things like that hapen it makes me think that even wen if i do one day become thin maybe i still wont be happy? and i still wont have full control over my life? and that just freaks me out.. the thought of never being happy in life.. arghhh
anyways, how is everyone else going?
<3 amber |
|
|
| men... |
[Nov. 17th, 2007|10:19 am] |
fukn men i dont get them i really really dont..
last nite i went for a drive with my mate who i am takin to my formal(like a prom) with me so we could see where exactli the place is and where were going to park etc and while we driving we were talkin about our plans for saturday nyt which is 2nyt now.. anyways i go to him i wana go clubbin but i dno if i shud or not coz i think i want a break from it for a week... n the ni was like na but i wana go.. and do u no wat he sed 2 me? he goes maybe u shud go it will be good 4 you.. i was like wat do u mean it will be good 4 me? and he goes coz you'll lose weight.. and then i was like thanks and he was like nah im jokin.. but he wasnt. It kinda hurt me but its good because it makes me hate food even more and i just cant wait until one day wen im thin he'll see me and be like omg.. does any1 else feel like that... like they wana see pplz faces after yu have lost so much weight and are perfect?
anyway after that we went to this suburb which has abeach n ppl hang out there and he saw these 2 girls and was talkin 2 them.. i no them too n spoke 2 them a little but not a lot.. i felt so weird and out of place those 2 gurls were thin.. escpeciali one of them she is so so so thin.. and while we were with them he paid absoloutly no attention to me. thenn after that me n him got bak in the car n were drivin around and iwanted a ciggie so he pulled over and i started smokin.. and then wat does he do? he comes from behind and hugs me.. wtf? and he starts yu know tryna get with me... i reali dnt get it... umm then later yeah we ended up doin it... weve done it together once b4 and yeah i dno why i did it but hey it burns calories lol.. but i dnt understand guys... i dont like him more den a friend or nefin but i dno its weird..
then after i got home my other mate was bored n wanted to see me so he came past n we went 4 a drive.. now this guy i used 2 be obsesed with him last year i wanted him soo bad but i never got him.. anyway now we were reali good mates u no we hang out a lil but sometimes talk etc etc.. so last nyt we were just talkin then out of nowhere he was talkin about doin stuff with me.. now this is so so so weirdd becuz as i sed last yr i was so into him but he was not into me at all... and then last nyt he like wanted me? i so do not understand.. plus he has a gf... n then he asked me if he didnt have a gf and he asked me out wat wud i say? i was like i dno if this had of been last yr i wud have sed yes but now i dno... i was like wat about u wat if i asked u out.. he waslike hmmm... it depends i dno how u would be as a gf.. i was like hmm ok...
sorry for the long long comment but really the thing that i dont understand is how any guy could even be remotely interested in me and how they could want my body... its sickk i dont get it.. but besides that thanks to the other guys little comment about me losing weight now i am drinking water and i dont plan on eating for a long time =]
<3 amber |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Sep. 25th, 2007|11:41 pm] |
|
I hate being sick...I hope I get better by the weekend coz I wana go clubbin... but I'm thinking maybe give it a miss this week and go next week so I will have lost more weight so I'll look better.. Hmmm well see how it goes... thinner is the winner.. My formal is coming up hopefully I'm at least 132 by then.. And then 110 by xmas. And I've decided I'm not going to the beach till I'm at least 132 so that motivates me even more coz I really wana go beach n get a tan. This summer I WILL be thin. Yep :) |
|
|
| eh |
[Sep. 19th, 2007|11:34 pm] |
bad bad day
gota be strong 2mro
new goal
110 by xmas
i can do this |
|
|
| 18/07/07 |
[Jul. 18th, 2007|07:21 pm] |
heyy everyonee i am so glad i found this.. i was on 43 things but the forums got closed down :( but then someone commented saying every1 had moved here so yay =]
my names amber, im almost 18 and i needa lose weight b4 my 18th which is in just under 2 months.
i was doin alryt 2dai.. then i binged.. then purged.. then i had soccer trainin and i didnt eat dinner which was kfc yayy self controll... so hopefuli i will lose at least 1 pound by 2moro.. my aim is to lose at least half a kilo a day.. which is almost equivilent to 1 pound.. so yepp.. i have gym member ship now and am planning on goin 4 days a week, plus 2 days of soccer. stay strong every1 =]
p.s i
hate food |
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
amb3r_xxx's journal